We had a nice catch up chat, then got to the crux of the reason why she called. Could I do her a big favour? She's an old friend of my Mum's, so of course, I was happy to help.
Anyway, our conversation went thus:
Carol: "I work with this guy who's a real practical joker. Honestly, he's an absolute sod. So me and a few of the girls want to get a bit of payback, and we've bought an inflatable woman and we're going to blow it up and plant it in his locker."
Carol: "Anyway, we thought it would be fun to write a saucy little poem to put with it for when he opens his locker."
Carol: "But none of us can do that. I remember a couple of the funny poems you've written, and I really like them, so I wondered if you'd mind doing a little poem for the inflatable woman to 'give' to this guy?"
Me: "Well, I like a challenge!"
Carol: "Oh that would be great, I'd really appreciate it! You can make it as funny and rude as you like."
Me: When you say 'rude', are we talking 'filthy' rude, or 'Carry-on film' tits and bums innuendo rude?"
Carol: "Entirely up to you!"
So, apparently I've been commissioned to write a poem fro the POV of an inflatable woman.
Because, as i said, my life is never normal...
So, before I share the poem back with Carol tomorrow, I thought I'd share it with you guys:
I’m your pretty plastic playmate
Your inflatable amour
I’m bursting to spend time with you
To blow you through the floor
I’m your saucy latex lady
Your sexy rubber rose
Just don’t prick me with your thorn
I’d deflate down to my toes
I’m your sweet acrylic angel
I’m good just through and through
Not good for the environment
But really good for you
I’m your bendy vinyl venus
Your pleasure guarantee
I’m ready for …
Are you ready for me?