Observe.
How could our boy possibly be an irresistible sex God when he's...
... sweaty and encrusted with mud doing Tough Mudder

... wearing a dopey hat

... copping a few 'Z's at a table

... playing at being a mad serial killer

... sitting practically naked in a tub of dry ice

... opening the front camera of his phone

... sitting on the lav

... wearing great uncle Wilbur's cardigan

... wearing a pink Alice band and being made up by a four-year-old

... larping as

... stuffing his face

... having a mud masque treatment

... wearing jamjar-bottom glasses

... and ... uh ....

Your honour, the defence rests.