Yep, well read on. Let me just say that for once in my life, I'm glad I'm grey already because if I wasn't ... I soon would be!
It's December, and that means that in work, we pay people a week early. This is so that our 570 staff can get their December pay a few days before Christmas. This is fine and dandy, except that it means I and my assistant have a week less to process the payroll. So December is generally a fairly trying month payroll wise, but hey, we can deal, right?
Fast forward to December 2017 ... and I'm going to encapsulate the situation in a fictional boardroom conversation:
CEO: So how long does it take to run the payroll?
HR Director: Usually about 3 weeks; 15 days. I know the girls can cut it down a day or two if necessary, but there are certain cut off dates and deadlines that we can't move, so let's say 15 days.
Finance Director: But we're paying a week early this month?
HR Director: That's right. That cuts it down to 10 days, but that's already pre-scheduled and the girls will put in a few extra hours. They'll get the job done, don't worry.
Ops Director: So they won't be coming to the Christmas parties then? The 14th and 21st December
HR Director: So that's two days out. Okay ... they might have to look at their schedules to take those into account then, we don't want them to miss the parties.
Care Director: Oh by the way, I've instigated a new checking procedure for my team's draft payslips this month, so we'll need to keep the payslips for an extra day to make sure they're checked correctly, because I don't think my teams have been doing that in the past,
HR Director: Ookay ... I'll tell them
Me: *starts doing sums in head*
Ops Director: Don't forget about the office move. Should only take ... three days max, allowing for the removers to work, and then IT systems to be set back up.
HR Director: Yep, okay.
Finance Director: Oh yes, and just before I forget, we've got the auditors in this week. They should only need to spend half a day with the payroll girls, but they may need odd bits of information here and there.
Me: *starting to twitch*
HR Director: Okay, so taking into account, paying early for Christmas, Christmas parties, the office move, the new checking procedures and the auditors, the girls have got three and a half days to pay 570 people?
CEO: Yes, that's ok isn't it?
HR Director: Oh yes, piece of cake ...
Roll on Monday when we close the payroll. Until then ... WINE AND CHOCOLATE!