Characters: Balthazar, Catiel, Dean
Spoilers/Warnings: A good-humoured funpoke at Destiel
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them!
"Hey little brother, I bought you something for your birthday."
"Balthazar, we don't have birthdays. We angels were not born; we arose from the celestial luminescence of Father's creation."
Balthazar suddenly saw why Dean thought little brothers were so damned annoying.
"Alright, then it's an 'arising out of celestial luminescence' day gift."
Castiel regarded the massive, oddly-shaped parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied up in hairy string suspiciously.
"Balthazar, it's moving."
"And it's making noises," he added in alarm.
"Yes, about that," Balthazar replied; "I'd unwrap it quickly if I were you. I'm not sure if that paper's airtight."
Tearing away the paper in a frenzied panic, Castiel's eyes widened when the wrapping fell away to reveal Dean. Dean who was wearing only boxers and socks, gagged and tightly trussed-up in more hairy string, and was shooting a murderously furious red-faced, jaw-twitching glare at the two angels.
"B … but Balthazar."
Balthazar shook his head. "No need to thank me little brother. I've spirited him away from that giant clingy sibling of his, so you two can make beautiful human angel music together with no interruptions."
"So, I'll be getting along now. Toodle pip lovebirds."
"Balthazar!" Castiel snapped. "Release Dean now. I've never expressed a wish to …"
"But, Cassie, you love him?"
"Yes, we share a profound bond, but as friends."
"Friends? So you don't want to do the frenzied love samba and get to 'know' him better, and dance naked on the beach with him or drink champagne out of his navel?"
"No, I absolutely do not."
Both angels looked round at the furiously squirming hunter.
"I am sorry Dean," Castiel stammered, pulling the gag away; "Balthazar thought …"
"I heard what he thought", snapped Dean; "screw you Balthazar."
"Oh Dean, you cad. You've broken dear little Cassie's heart!"