Dizzojay's Dean Dreams (dizzojay) wrote,
Dizzojay's Dean Dreams
dizzojay

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For TheYmp ... Happy Birthday!

theymp is celebrating a birthday today, so here's a little introspective Castiel - just for him!
Happy birthday my friend :D

REFLECTIONS

Genre: Friendship, Gen
Rating: K+
Character: Castiel
Spoilers/Warnings: None
Word Count: 450
Disclaimer: I don't own them!

Castiel reflects on his life and the most important thing in it.



xxxxx

Life as an angel was very simple. There was no place for instinct or intuition; no need for nuance or interpretation. There was simple black and white; yes and no; good and evil; obey or disobey.

Back then, I was a warrior of God; a soldier, and blind, unquestioning obedience was a given. It wasn't my place to question, or think. So I didn't.

None of us did.

When I received the order to take the Heavenly garrison and storm Hell to locate and rescue the righteous man, I did so without pause.

To invade Hell, to scythe a deadly swathe through cringing hordes of infernal minions was any Angel's dream. And I lived that dream with zealous fury. My onslaught was brutal and absolute, and utterly without pity.

I was so lost in my murderous glee, the rescue of the righteous man was almost an afterthought.

When I eventually reached him, desecrated and broken, I felt nothing. No sympathy, no pity; I couldn't even find it within myself to feel contempt for this destroyed, ruined figure. His emancipation was just another part of my commission; to reclaim the righteous man – the last hope of mankind.

Why should I care about mankind? All I cared about was my mission.

It was just another empty command; an order which had to be followed, a dirty job which had to be done. It was just another mission which was undertaken out of loyalty and obedience, and as ever before, there would be no thanks and no reward.

Except that this time there was.

But those thanks didn't come from above, and the reward didn't come from heaven.

The thanks came from the righteous man himself. They came in the form of trust and acceptance. They showed in the righteous man's support for me as Heaven was falling into turmoil in the absence of our father. They continued to show in his complete lack of judgement at my many blunders and misunderstandings as I trod the precarious path between Heaven and humanity.

The reward was something so precious and pure, that an angel's grace couldn't possibly compare. It was something I and no other angel had ever been gifted with before.

It was the gift of friendship.

Now the black and white has gone away. My life is a rainbow of colours, confusing and wonderful. A spectrum of beautiful chaos and glorious uncertainty; the adventure of learning to live among humans, understanding a million vagaries of human behaviour, and above all, discovering that heaven isn't the place that I always knew it to be.

Now I know, Heaven is wherever my friend is.

xxxxx

end

Tags: birthday shout out, castiel, fandom friends
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